Hi everyone. Sorry I´m late with my post. I´ve been having some technical problems =S
Well this week´s (which is actually last Friday´s post) post is somehow different from what I have been writing. This is an e-mail that a friend of mine sent me. She needs some pieces of advice. So I would be glad if you could help her with your comments. My next post will be an answer to this e-mail :)
Thank you all...
Dear Nadya:
How are you? It has been a
really long time since I last heard about you. It seems like things are going
really well in your life. At least, that is what I have been told. So, probably
you are wondering why I am writing to you after all this time. The thing is
that I really need your advice. You know me since I was very little. And I dare
to say that even though we hardly talk to each other these days, you know me
better than anybody else.
“FORGET AND FORGIVE WHENEVER YOU
ARE HURT BY SOMEONE ELSE”. That is a message that I learnt, memorized
and put it into practice every single day of my life. And you know that. You
have seen me suffering on the inside but always carrying a smile on the
outside, you have seen me asking for forgiveness even though I was not the one
to blame. But above all, you have witnessed how I shut my mouth, swallow my
words and please everyone, even though I don´t want to or feel like. I let
everybody say what they want to say, do what they want to do, but I don´t dare say
anything because I am afraid of losing that person. It seems that every single
human being that surrounds me has something to say about me, my personality,
the way I live and even the way I think about. So, what do I do? I let them. I
do not say anything. I stay still. The heaviness of each word is so painful
that most of the times it seems like my whole body is going to crumble. But of
course anybody can´t see it because I always carry a big “I DON´T CARE WHAT YOU
SAY” smile, which is actually fake. But that is the way I am. I always try to
convince myself that I have to erase those words from my mind in order not to
fight or hurt people´s feelings. I hate arguing or being in the middle of a
conflict.
But you know what? I´m getting
tired of living in this way. I feel like this anguish is taking away every
single living part of me and I am not willing to let other people rule my life
any longer. I don´t mean to hurt anyone but I think it has been enough. I´M A
PERSON AND AS SUCH I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SAY WHAT I WANT TO SAY AND DO WHAT I
WANT TO DO.
What shall I do? I really need
a change in my life. So please, let me know as soon as you get this e-mail. It would
mean a lot to me if you could help me.
XOXO :)
"C"
Nadya: Your post seemed really interesting to me and when I was reading your friend's problem and anguish, I could not stop feeling reflected on her. Here is what I would say to her:
ReplyDeleteI understand what you are going through because I've gone through the same things. You want to please everyone, you want to make everyone feel good but, at the same time, you get to be criticised and people think they have the right to tell you what to do, who you should be and how to act. I know it's difficult to change that and I also know it's difficult to face the fear of losing that someone you care about but... Sometimes, in life, you have to prioritise yourself. When one talks about love, the appropriate range goes from loving ONESELF FIRST and then the rest. That is, first PLEASE YOURSELF and then please the others. If it happens to be that you lose someone for doing so, then, as hard as it may sound, that person did not actually belong in your life and doesn't deserve to be a part of your life. You should try to be you, regardless whatever anyone else says. You are the only one who knows how you feel and who you truly are and the only person you actually have to please is YOU!!
I hope that'll do it, Nadya! ;) Good luck and I hope it can help your friend1 ;)
In my opinion, we should be able to find a balance. It’s not just a matter of telling everything you want without caring about the other person. And it’s not also about accepting everything, even when you don’t agree, without saying a word. I think, in the case of your friend, she should try to express more what she thinks because maybe in that way she won’t feel so much pressure.
ReplyDeleteThanks girls. I also think that we should be able to express how we feel without being disrespectful at all. I´ve been in that possition as well, but I changed. I´m my own boss, I´m the owner of my life. So I would not let anyone to tell me what to do. I really appreciate your comments. "C" will be really glad to read this. :)
ReplyDeleteNadya, I really understand what your friend is and has been through. It is true that we should do what we want, when we want to, but as Natalia said, we have to find a balance in between what we think and others think, because sometimes we can be mistaken, and people (the ones who care about us) can be just showing us our mistakes. We all make them, sometimes. However, it is true that we can express our feelings, without being disrespectful.
ReplyDelete